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[Due to homophobia in Georgia, the author of the blog wishes to remain anonymous].
Where do I begin…
When I decided to write a blog, I thought a lot about where to start – to start from deep childhood, when people around me openly pointed out my “manners”, which were not “manly”, and which repeatedly became the object of laughter, ridicule and ridicule.
If I started at school, when I was afraid to speak in class, because my classmates mocked me covertly or openly because of my voice, because of which I completely stopped studying and even speaking.
If I started from there, I wouldn’t leave the class at school, during breaks, because people older and younger than me would definitely find time to laugh at me.
If I started from the preparation for the last bell, when my already “big” classmates couldn’t wait at the Georgian dance rehearsal and started laughing – not about how “awkward” I was; Not about whether I could dance or not, but about how “feminine” I moved my hands…
If I started by praying every night before going to bed and asking God to help me “overcome my weaknesses”… then I thought my orientation was weakness, illness and punishment because everyone around me pointed to that.
Perhaps then no one could understand how much effort, pain and self-acceptance I had to bear with each word and look. Perhaps no one was ever interested in it either, because I was not like them – I was an “ugly duckling” who was different from everyone else, and they had not learned how to treat those who were different from them – to laugh, to insult, to fall …
Homophobia has strong roots in Georgia, which forces people not to accept themselves as they are; It forces him to give up his own feelings in order to “please” someone else. There are many queers around me who have accepted themselves and are happy today, but there are also those who seem to have not forgiven themselves for the way they were born.
I’m not surprised. Against the background of strong homophobia spread in the society, it is difficult to follow the feelings – I also had a hard time accepting myself…
P.S. Hopefully the time will come when homophobia will be shameful like it is in Korean dramas now…