When the restaurants and cafe-bars in the city are almost fully booked, the malls are filled with hearts and balloons, and the streets are full of flowers, everyone has the feeling that this day is for everyone. Today is Valentine’s Day and there is an automatic expectation in the society that we all celebrate it and if not, there are many questions.
“Why are you single?”, “Do you have anyone?”, “How long are you going to be single?”, “You do not like anybody or no one likes you?” — We hear these and many similar tactless questions from acquaintances and strangers who oblige us and shame us for not having a partner. No one asks us – they decide for us that we are definitely sad today and need someone’s warmth and comfort.
That’s why this article is about us – the people who are tired of this attitude, and don’t care for it at all, but we want you to finally understand that being without a partner is not a sentence. Moreover, it’s our choice and we don’t really feel bad. Nino, Dato, Vero, Mari and Vlad will share with you what they think about Valentine’s Day, having or not having a partner, stereotypes and how they spend their time on February 14.
“In the modern world (and probably before too), being single [being without a partner] is very discredited. This means that if you are single, you are definitely lonely — Being alone means being lonely. Because of this perception, especially when Valentine’s Day comes around, you may go to a restaurant alone and someone will give you a strange look — why are you alone? Why aren’t you with your partner?” – This is how Vero starts talking to us.
She explains that because of these beliefs, people force themselves into relationships that they don’t want to be in and that aren’t good for them, or they don’t want to be in a relationship and they do it because they’re not alone.
“It does not change according to generations. Therefore, wherever I can talk about it, I talk everywhere, on TikTok too,” says Vero.
Vlad hopes that if he speaks out about this issue, the questions he doesn’t like will be reduced and they will “leave him alone”.
“As soon as I turned 18 years old, I have been hearing one question – “When will you get a wife?” – and I always laugh at it. As the years pass, the frequency of this question also increases, and I’m tired of smiling. “Go on and explain to people now that you have no wife, and have not even had a girlfriend, and you feel very, very good alone,” says Vlad.
Mari likes to talk about every topic that society does not discuss actively enough.
“Love, non-love, and relationships in general is definitely one of the topics that lacks honesty when discussed. I will try to be as honest as possible today,” Mariam promised me.
It’s also important to destroy the stereotype created by romantic comedies that everyone who is single on Valentine’s Day hates the holiday. Our respondents have different opinions on this issue. For some, the general chaos is boring, some look at it from a professional point of view, and some enjoy discounts.
“February 14 is a simple date for me, it is not associated with anything and does not evoke any emotion. I like Valentine’s Day, it’s a nice day for partners, but single people can’t have much fun on this day because nobody gives us gifts and it’s a bit disappointing. However, then we remember Miley Cyrus’s “Flowers” and we have fun,” says Dato.
First thing Mari remembers about Valentine’s day is that she works in marketing and will probably have to plan a campaign of it for some brand.
Then I remember that I don’t have a partner and I start thinking about who I can give a gift to. I love giving gifts! Mostly, I chase my friends with flowers and costume shirts. It’s not just about Valentine’s Day, but Valentine’s Day reminds me that if I had a partner, I’d probably be the best partner. Maybe that’s why I’ve been alone for so long. I have so much love to give and I always regret spending it on the wrong person,” she says.
And Nino has a whole system with which she looks at February 14 and tries to use everything for her own good.
“As February 14th approaches, there are a few waves in the online space for me. One wave is sales when companies stimulate things — it is tied to this date and very logical, because Valentine’s Day is Valentine’s Day all over the world. Plus, there’s a bit of cheap romance and, at the same time, jokes about singles — people for whom February 14 is either a normal day or a bad day because someone might want love on that day and get emotional, which is perfectly natural. There are still people for whom this February 14 is another day to realize that wow, how good it is to be free, how good it is to love yourself.
I am in all three categories. First, because I use it good discounts well. It’s not a problem for me at all, nobody is going to force me to bring a boyfriend”, she says with a laugh.
After that, Nino talks about the importance of self-love and the degree of freedom, emphasizing that love and freedom are not mutually exclusive.
“The most important thing to remember is that the third is the main one. The first consumer part is how we can use February 14th. The second is more that we should allow ourselves human weakness, but we should remember the third that still the most important value is freedom and this is a very great achievement.
Someone may say that love and freedom are not mutually exclusive, and I also think that true love is freedom, but in real life it is often not the same as in the movies. It often brings emotional worries and responsibilities,” says Nino.
Talking about Valentine’s Day and love, Mari is saddened by the fact that people still look at love conventionally in 2024.
“There are many forms of relationships that are neither strictly romantic nor strictly platonic. There are homoerotic friendships, non-sexual romantic attractions, and a million types of connection with another person that don’t need to be put into a familiar mold anyway. Even today, people shy away from delving deeply into themselves, preferring to look at the world in a binary and simple way – a lover, a friend, a husband, a sex partner, a good acquaintance. This approach makes the world much more boring and unnatural. It makes me a little sad, but not too much. I try to let the world discover and grow at its own pace,” she says.
And Vlad shares that he doesn’t like the hustle of Valentine’s Day and doesn’t understand why one specific day is needed to express love:
“I cringe a lot on Valentine’s. Maybe because I never had a girlfriend, I can’t truly understand the meaning of this day well. Everyone wants flowers, chocolates, teddy bears and a thousand things on the 14th. I am a bit of a cynical person and I look at every couple a bit cynically on that day and I have fun in my heart.
After seeing so many lovey things, I think about how good I am alone and that makes me very happy. If I loved someone, probably every day would be Valentine’s Day, I think. I don’t understand the need for a day to celebrate this. I understand the importance of Mother’s Day and Women’s Day and I understand why it is necessary, but the day of love… No, I don’t know”.
Nino says that this date is emotionally very difficult and anxious even for couples in love, because they have to think a lot about the gift. In this regard, she has no problem – she knows exactly what to give himself.
“I have a tradition of buying myself a present on every holiday, and I love pampering myself. Who do I have better than myself?! I have no one in this world who is a bigger supporter and respecter of myself than me, absolutely no one. In general, I think that people should be like this, they should take care of themselves first and then other things”.
Marie likes Valentine’s Day and doesn’t understand how you can dislike a day that celebrates love. She says that she can’t stand it when pseudo-pragmatic people “come up with long monologues that Valentine’s Day is the first-born holiday of capitalism, which exclusively and only serves the purpose of making rich companies even richer, and because of this, they are not interested in celebrating this holiday and do not intend to celebrate it.”
“I think that these people have lost some liveliness in life, which should not be so. I think it is disastrous to live without this spirit. You have to romanticize something in life, you have to be happy about something. You cannot approach everything with pure mathematical precision and try to solve it. There is a Valentine’s Day. What matters why it exists? When you enjoy life, you get up and celebrate everything that makes you happy. I am not religious at all, but I do celebrate Easter sometimes. I enjoy coloring and breaking eggs with my grandmother. On Valentine’s Day, I enjoy sipping cocktails with my girlfriends and gossiping about my exes. why not”.
Vero also likes the feeling of a special day and that people want to express their love and appreciation.
“Expressing positive emotions today is absolutely okay for me, I have no problem with that. What I don’t like is the pressure and the preconceived notion from people that someone who isn’t in a relationship is definitely miserable today or some kind of obligation on people to be in a relationship.”
Our respondents also talked about what it means to be without a partner, why it is a pleasant existence for them, and what they think about the stereotype that “being alone sucks”.
“Being alone doesn’t suck, no. The truth is in solitude, the best ideas come to you in solitude, and if you feel happiness when you are alone with yourself, that is the greatest happiness in my opinion. Well, I also feel happiness with myself and that’s why I’ve been single for 26 years,” says Vlad.
“I don’t think I’m lacking anything, but if one fine day I see the “one” I’ll fall in love with, then I might realize that if I didn’t have anyone for all those years, I was missing something,” adds Vlad and jokes that being alone has only one disadvantage — you get cold during winter.
“Well, singleness bothers me the most in winter. When you lie in a cold bed and you barely get warm, but you still don’t get warm. Well, to solve this problem, I resorted to an old school way – I bought a hot water bottle and I sleep very warm even in winter, and I no longer think that I wish I had someone to warm me.
Mari tells us that Gen Z looks at being alone in a completely different way: “In my generation and circle, on the contrary, being alone is considered a good type, having a partner is looked at weirdly, and I sometimes protest this. Having a partner and loving someone is such a vulnerable and intimate place, I can understand why it can be weird for some. In this generation, when you’re single, you’re considered a much more independent, strong person. There is some truth to all of this, but there is also being alone and being in a relationship. Neither one breaks nor the other, of course. In my friend circle, the is the only thing that sucks is if you return to a toxic ex for the third time”.
Vero explains that “singleness” is not perceived as a choice, but for her it is the opposite – being without a partner is a choice, and being in a relationship is a given.
“The longer you’re single, the less likely you are to settle for less than you deserve. Being single can be hard at first—when you’re used to being in a relationship, there’s a lot of space in your life that you have to occupy by yourself. Then, when you get used to it and realize how cool it is to spend time with you, it’s very difficult to let someone in there. The relationship must offer too much comfort and too many benefits to give it up. But by giving up, I don’t mean that you have to give up something for a relationship, no, it’s just that when you’re happy with yourself, you don’t need another person,” says Vero.
“Also, they don’t see that when you are single, you are absolutely free. I don’t mean that the relationship limits you. You are simply responsible for more than one person. You have to agree with more than one person about your future, tomorrow’s plans, and this person is not someone who, if they refuse, or does not agree with you, you will just not care and go on your way,” explains Vero.
Marie thinks that when you have found yourself, love and trust yourself, then it is equally good to be single and have a partner.
“In general, I think that being alone for a long time at a young age is good, very good. At least until the age of 22-23, it is almost impossible for a person to spend enough time getting to know themselves and finding strength. If you often have long-term partners at such a time, I think this process will be much more difficult for you. If relying on another person has become your comfort zone before finding strength in yourself, I think life will be more difficult for you in the future. I know a lot of people who had serious relationships from the age of 16-17, and I see how it is difficult for them to end or rework one relationship without suddenly entering into another. Then it becomes an unhealthy loop.
Since I’ve been single most of the time, I’m now very interested in finding myself in a long-term, serious relationship. I would love to see someone with whom I feel a strong sense of closeness, but I can’t enter into a relationship just to fill the space, it’s too uncomfortable,” she explains.
Mari also talked about the disadvantages of being alone. She says that life is much more difficult when you handle everything alone.
“I’ve been living alone since I was 19-20, and I’ve been through so much alone, despite the fact that these difficulties have made me very independent and mature, it’s very hard not to think – hm, it would be better with a partner. At least when you can know that you are not alone in something, even if you have to deal with it alone, it is a huge relief. A friend can’t bring this to you, there has to be someone who doesn’t try to understand you, but is just going through the same problem as you. This is a great luxury. But on the other hand, having the wrong partner at least slightly does the opposite — it makes things more difficult for you and, of course, it’s better to be alone. […]
The fact that my life is only mine at this moment and only I decide what to eat, when to turn off the lights, when to turn up the music and when to be in silence, these are such great privileges, it will be very difficult for me to give them up. Your partner has to amazingly change the quality of life for you to give it all up and still be happy. That is: being alone is good, having the right partner is also good. Everything that makes you feel comfortable and healthy in is good. I think that a person should see both sides of the coin enough in their life, neither should you be alone forever, nor should you always have a partner from 17 to 70”.
According to Dato, the advantage of being single is that you have no obligation to anyone. He considers it a disadvantage that no one will hug you in difficult moments, you can’t watch a movie with anyone. According to him, you can watch a movie with your friend, but nothing is better than watching it with your partner. He advises people who are feeling lonely to listen to Flowers by Miley Cyrus and forget everything.
“They always wonder who your partner is and who you like or love. It’s stressful and stressful. It makes you feel like you’re behind people your age, everyone has a partner and you don’t. But to overcome this moment, my ears help me – let it in into one and let it out from the other”, – he advises others who suffer from the same problem as him.
Nino emphasizes that society considers it bad to be alone and, unfortunately, even expresses it. At the same time, she explains that in the case of women, due to stereotypical approaches and gender discrimination, this is much more acute.
“If you are a woman and you are alone, people are indirectly attached to the stereotype and wrong idea that no one chose you and you are alone because otherwise, how could you not be liked? At this time, they are trying to lower this standard, change it a little. I still think that you should not change a person for anything. You are so unique.”
According to Vero, different pressures on single women and men are determined by different expectations for them.
“When a man is single, no one gets the feeling that no one likes him, despite the fact that this may be the reason. The feeling is that he is having fun and living a free life. There is a feeling about a woman that they definitely don’t like her and no one can please her. We are perceived as some kind of product, and alongside everything else, we have to be sold somewhere eventually. These expectations and pressures exist more for women, and because of this, women may experience singleness more,” explains Vero.
Our respondents shared advice for those who are single on February 14 and are worried about it.
“I would advise them to go and do what they love the most and please their greatest lover, themselves, for whom you should have the greatest love. Otherwise, it’s just impossible, no one will fall in love with you. I don’t want it to turn into narcissism, but self-love and self-respect are important. You must love yourself in mind, body and character and support it. If you are a supporter of yourself, it is better to avoid negative emotions. I’m also going to go on the 14th and do what I love the most – dance the Cha-cha-cha. I will enjoy and love my freedom,” says Nino.
Vlad thinks that if they do what they want and don’t pay attention to other people’s opinions, they will be much happier:
“Whatever. If you want to be with someone, then make a move towards that person. If you don’t want to, then don’t pay attention to the neighbor who will ask you with worry, are you still single?”.