In the context of human sexuality, the so-called threesome is a topic around which there is often curiosity, intrigue and a little fear. Threesome is a sexual act involving three people. Its dynamics, significance, and potential impact on relationships have been repeatedly debated. In this article we will review the meaning, purpose, types and tips for those interested in threesome.

Contents

What Is Threesome?

Threesome refers to the sexual act of three people at the same time and includes many different arrangements – it can be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual.

It should be noted that threesomes can have many different forms: starting from the so-called “triads” in which all participants are involved in some activity with each other, to threesome in which the attention of the participants is not equally distributed among different partners and may not even engage in sex with any of them directly. The dynamics of threesomes are diverse and depend on the boundaries and desires of the parties involved.

What Is not Threesome’?

Threesomes are often the target of misconceptions and stereotypes. Contrary to popular opinion, threesomes do not only serve to fulfill sexual fantasies or satisfy hedonistic desires. They require open and clear communication, mutual trust, and enthusiastic buy-in from all participants.

The use of threesomes to solve relationship problems or to eliminate sexual dissatisfaction in a relationship is not recommended and may lead to complications and misunderstandings in the relationship. It is important to approach the idea of threesome with respect, with an open mind and within an ethical framework.

Does Threesome Necessarily Mean Penetrative Sex?

Influenced by pornography, many of us think that in threesome the main penetrative (“penetrating”) sex and/or the so-called “double penetration”. In fact, penetration is not required at all for a three-person sexual union to be called threesome. Threesome is simply sex between three people, and sex is a very broad concept and can have many different expressions. for example:

Sex can be virtual — you can “sext” online with a partner (intimate sex correspondence) with a third person (or alone with a couple);
It may include the so-called “handjob” and/or “fingering” — manual stimulation of the partner’s genitals; oral sex, for example, blowjob, cunnilingus or rimming – stimulation of the partner’s penis, vulva or anus with the tongue and lips; the so-called “dry sex” — stimulation of the genital organ on any part of the partner’s body; stimulation with a vibrator or other sex toy, and so on.
It may involve vaginal penetration, anal penetration, or both together or separately.

► Threesome may involve penetrative sex with your partner(s), but it is not necessary, and it is perfectly fine to have only non-penetrative sex — it only depends on your desires and comfort!

Why Can a Person Engage in Threesome?

It is very important that all parties involved in threesome understand what their motivations are for engaging in this activity. For some, threesome is an opportunity for sexual self-discovery and an adventure of sorts that allows participants to explore their fantasies and desires that they could not fulfill on their own. For others, threesome is a way of enhancing intimacy in existing relationships, promoting open communication, trust, and mutual understanding between partners. In addition, threesome is a good space to experience new forms of pleasure and connection with your partner, to expand your boundaries and your own sexual repertoire.

The most common reason people have threesome is for pleasure. Other reasons may include:

Desire to understand more about one’s own sexuality;
Examining one’s sexual orientation or gender identity;
Fulfillment of sexual fantasy;
Strengthening intimacy and communication between partners.

Whatever the reason, there is nothing shameful, deplorable, or immoral about wanting to engage in threesome — the important thing is that all parties involved are informed and agree.

How Common Is Threesome?

Threesomes are not limited by a specific demographic or relationship format. Anyone of any gender, sexual orientation, or relationship status can engage in threesome. The desire for newness and self-exploration transcends all societal norms and boundaries.

According to a survey of 4,175 people conducted by the Kinsey Institute sex researcher , 87% of women and 97% of men have fantasized about having sex with more than one person at the same time. However, according to another American study, only 10% of women and only 18% of men had threesome. As you can see, fantasies about threesome sand group sex are very common, but their implementation in reality is quite rare, be it due to fears, taboos or other reasons.

► Remember that participating in group sex does not say anything about you as a person, and anyone who wants to engage in threesome can do so.

Do Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation Matter?

People of any gender identity or sexual orientation can participate in threesome. The dynamics of threesome largely depends on the individual combination of parties involved in it. However, it is important that all participants respect each other’s sexual identities and preferences. Regardless of whether the participants in the Threesome are of the same or different gender/sex, communication, consent and mutual respect are essential and the boundaries, wishes and comfort levels of all participants must be respected during a threesome.

It’s worth noting that despite common misconceptions, being of the same gender/sex in threesome doesn’t mean you’re automatically engaging in any non-heterosexual activity because:

Being with someone in threesome does not mean you have to touch them or engage in any direct sexual activity with them;
Sexual activities don’t determine your sexual orientation — it only depends on who you’re sexually attracted to.

Historically, the naming of different types of threesomes depended on the combination of female (F) and male (M) participants. These terms include:

MMM: man-man-man;
FFF: female-female-female;
MFM: man-woman-man. Usually,, men do not have sexual contact with each other;
FMF: female-male-female. Usually, women do not have sexual contact with each other;
MMF: Male-Male-Female. Usually, men have sexual contact with each other;
FFM: Female-Female-Male. Usually, women have sexual contact with each other;

Today, these terms are old, because the terms “man” and “woman” imply a gender and biological binary that does not exist, and this fact ignores intersex, transgender and non-binary people. Alternatively, the phrases “having a penis” (P) and “having a vagina” (V) are sometimes used, in which case, for example, the PPV threesome refers to two people with a penis and one person with a vagina, although in some cases these terms may also be problematic for people who have gender or genital dysphoria and for whom it is uncomfortable to identify themselves with the genital organ. Ultimately, the best way to describe the configuration of threesome is to consider the genders of all the people involved in it and to be straightforward.

How to Talk About Threesome with a Partner?

It takes honesty, open communication, and sensitivity to start talking about threesome with your partner. First of all, start by creating a safe and non-judgmental space where you can talk with mutual trust and respect. Be open about your thoughts and desires, but at the same time be open to receiving your partner’s feelings and perspectives. It’s important to approach this conversation with understanding that your partner may not have the same interest or comfort level with threesomes.

► Prepare for different reactions and emotions before starting the conversation about threesome. In no case do not put pressure on your partner or try to embarrass them.

You can first start talking about each other’s sexual desires and fantasies, share your thoughts with your partner and listen to them – be prepared that they may also have fantasies that they have not disclosed to you before and that you have not thought about. It is important to listen to your partner without judgment. Then you can ask them if they have ever thought of threesome or if they have ever had a desire to do so. You can also add that you recently read an article about threesome and thought it might be an interesting experience.

Alternatively, a way to explore each other’s sexual desires while talking can be to watch pornography together and discuss the activities seen in the videos. If such directness is difficult for you, a lighter option is to watch some kind of movie or series in which threesomes or group sex are featured, for example Sense8, The L Word, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Easy, House of Cards, Elite, Game of Thrones and others. You can ask: have you ever fantasized about this? while watching? Or: did you ever want to have a threesome with me and someone else?

► Obviously, if this fantasy is uncomfortable for your partner, it is important that you consider their feelings and do not force the conversation to continue or to fulfill this desire.

How Do We Know if We Are Ready for a Threesome?

Deciding how ready you and your partner are for threesome is an important step that requires caution, introspection, and open communication. Below are some key factors to consider when assessing your readiness:

Trust and communication — First of all, assess how strong your relationship is, how you and your partner trust each other and communicate. Discuss your thoughts, feelings, and boundaries openly and honestly, and make sure you’re both comfortable expressing your desires and fears;
Motivations and expectations – Consider why you and your partner want threesome: do you want new sexual experiences together, do you want to fulfill a shared fantasy, or is your desire to increase intimacy in your relationship? Or maybe something else? Understanding each other’s motivations and expectations is important to ensure that you are both driven by the same goals;
Emotional readiness — Consider the potential emotional consequences of threesome for you and your partner. Are you both emotionally ready to deal with the complexities that could potentially arise after a threesome? Threesomes can trigger many different emotions, including jealousy, fear, and vulnerability, so it’s important to prepare in advance to deal with them and talk about them openly;
Jealousy and fears — Threesomes need sharing intimacy with another person, which can easily trigger jealousy and fears. Be honest about these feelings, talk about them openly with your partner, make clear boundaries and agreements that will reduce the risk of these problems arising or deepening;
Boundaries and consent — Establishing clear boundaries and obtaining enthusiastic consent from all participants is essential for a positive and respectful experience. Take the time to agree on what is acceptable during a threesome and what is not acceptable for different people. Be clear about your boundaries with additional participants and respect their boundaries as well;
Relationship dynamics — Consider how participating in threesome might affect the relationship dynamics between you and your partner. Do you have enough trust and commitment to each other? Are there any issues in the relationship that need to be resolved before engaging in a threesome? Discuss how you will approach potential changes and challenges post-threesome and make sure that both of you prioritize your relationship and each other’s well-being;
After-the-act care and self-reflection — Finally, consider how you will care for each other emotionally and physically when the threesome is over. Take time to check in with each other’s thoughts and feelings and remind each other of the bond, trust, and commitment you share. Reflect on what you have learned from this experience both individually and as a couple. Use this knowledge to grow, learn more about yourself, and strengthen your relationship.

Overall, assessing your readiness for threesome requires honest communication, deep analysis, and a willingness to prioritize your own and your partner’s pleasure. By considering these key factors, you will be able to determine how ready you are for threesome at this stage of your relationship.

What Else Needs to Be Discussed Before a Threesome?

Before starting a threesome, it is important to discuss several issues openly and clearly:

Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) Status — If needed, both you and your partner should get tested for relevant infection. To learn more about this topic, see our article on STIs;
Which sexual activities are acceptable for different participants and with exactly whom;
Which barrier contraception methods (for example, condoms) are you going to use, exactly who is and when;
Which hormonal contraception methods (for example, birth control pills) are you going to use and exactly who is;
Desired frequency of threesomes — be it only one time or multiple times, with the same people or with different ones;
Is there any potential for a threesome to turn into a romantic triad? To learn more about this topic, see our article on polyamory;
Who will sleep where after threesome (if you plan to stay in one space);
What types of interactions will you have with each other days, weeks and months after the threesome?

These conversations may be uncomfortable at first, but more clarity means more fun and less trouble. In addition, discussing such issues clearly can help minimize misunderstandings, assess the emotional intelligence of others, and determine whether you are a good fit for the activity. If someone refuses to get tested for STIs or gets angry when you tell them about certain activities they’re not allowed, it might not be the best idea to get have a threesome with that person.

What to Consider If You’re Ready to Get Started

Once everyone involved has agreed on boundaries and expectations, and there is mutual willingness and consent, it’s time to move on to the threesome. Approach this experience with an open mind, a positive attitude, and a willingness to consider the enjoyment and comfort of all participants. Start slowly and check each other’s position regularly during the act.

► There is only one rule to be followed during group sexual activity: all participants should feel safe, comfortable and valued. Beyond that, it’s up to the participants to decide who touches whom, when, how, and in what order.

Below are some tips that you can keep in mind during a threesome:

Be direct – If you don’t know how to transition from conversation to business, you can be direct by asking, “should we go to the bedroom?” or “can I kiss you?” When everyone already knows that you are planning to engage in a threesome, there is no need to be shy and indirect. Also, if one of your trio is more experienced (for example, they have already had a threesome), it might be a good idea for them to lead;
Constantly communicate — As important as constant communication is between two people during sex, it is just as necessary in a threesome. Don’t hesitate during the act to check how comfortable and valued the other participants feel, how satisfied they are, and if necessary, be ready to attend to their needs. You can ask questions such as: “do you like this?”, “do you prefer this [one type of activity] or this [another type of activity]?”, “how do you feel?”, etc.
Protect yourself — Be sure to use condoms or other barrier contraception to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies. Respect each other’s boundaries and preferences regarding safe sex, and be willing to discuss and compromise when necessary to ensure the safety and comfort of all involved;
Use lubricant – Sex is usually more enjoyable with a lubricant (an intimate liquid that reduces friction during sex and eases penetration) and it becomes even more important during threesomes, as threesomes often last relatively longer and can be hard for the body to release natural moisture for a long time, so that the act is pleasant and painless;
Use sex toys — Sex toys create more opportunities for sexual play and pleasure, so don’t hesitate to use them during threesome. They also ensure that no one’s hands, tongues or genitals are left unattended and entertained at any point during the threesome. Exactly which toys you use is a matter of personal preference for you and your partners;
Take care of your partners after the act — Some may prefer to leave straight after the act, some hugs are important, while others go in for a shower. There’s no one right answer for what should happen after sex, but it’s important to respect each other’s emotional, physical, and mental needs. Therefore, you can directly ask questions: “does someone want water or are you hungry?”, “how do you feel emotionally?”, “what are you thinking about?”, “how is your body?”, “do you need/would you like something?” etc. You can try to talk to your partners the day after the act and check if everything is okay.

Source: Healthline