I met Miranda for the first time in 2018, at the House of Justice, at a women’s movement rally called “I’m a Woman – Admit It”. Then too, I was a journalist and covered the protest. I probably don’t remember her, but I do remember a girl holding a big poster like an ID card. This poster indicated that identification documents read “male,” regardless of Miranda’s gender identity. The goal of the protest was this: the activists demanded that the state legally recognize transgender women as women and give them the opportunity to change their gender in their identity documents. There was a small demonstration of homophobic and violent groups too, whose organizer was arrested by the police.
After 6 years, I saw Miranda in Belgium, in the small city of Antwerp. During this period, I often remember a woman who boldly fought for her rights, who was no longer seen actively in the media, and you could no longer meet her at protests. I found out by chance that she lives in Belgium and, as soon as I arrived, I asked for an interview.
We met in the central square of a small town, which is already familiar to her like home, but still not home. Miranda tells me that she had to leave Georgia because she didn’t feel safe. It is certain that if she had not made this decision, she would not be alive today. She told me about her personal experiences, we talked about emigration and the homophobic, hate law announced by the Georgian Dream.
Childhood
She tells us that she was born in Batumi and spent most of her childhood there, and then her family had to move to another place. As she recalls, her childhood until the age of 12 was happy, cheerful and colorful. Then the process of self-determination began – at that time, she did not even know about the existence of the word “transgender”, let alone transition. She says, I thought only I was “in trouble” with this, I thought that I am sick and I have to fight it. She tried not to think about all this and suppressed his emotions.
Photo: Tamuna Gegidze / Aprili Media
“Everything would have been much easier if there was support from the family or if I had such a family, even if I could talk about it with my mother. I didn’t know myself, neither did she. I just hid and hated myself so quietly.”
“First of all, I had the biggest fight with myself – it was unacceptable for others and it was unacceptable for me too “
All this was added to the environment in which she had to live – a negative attitude both in the family and at school, including from the teachers. “Don’t sit like a girl,” “Don’t act like a woman,” are just a few of the comments Miranda heard at school. She tells us that the injuries from this period have continued to this day.
“It was very difficult. I didn’t have any information and I lived in such an environment that I couldn’t even talk to anyone about this matter, when I realized that I wasn’t exactly a kid like my peers. This “difference” of mine has become very noticeable since the age of 12. First of all, I had the biggest fight with myself – it was unacceptable for others and it was unacceptable for me too”, Miranda tells us and adds, ” I was the kind of child who doesn’t have friends at school, she goes home from school and is alone at home. I coped with all this alone.”
When she decided to start the transition, she no longer lived with his family. She came from Tbilisi to talk to her mother. She told me: I didn’t expect such a reaction, because my mother saw what kind of child I was, she knew that I was quietly wearing her clothes.
“She was hysterical, she tried to blackmail me, saying that if you do this, I will kill myself; You are selfish, you don’t think about anyone; You have a brother and what will be the reaction of your relatives, how should your brother raise himself in society, etc. She demanded that I be gay or leave Georgia. I refused, I left home in the evening and after that we have no relationship. I don’t see why my mother should be ashamed and why we shouldn’t have a relationship because of that. I am the same person who she gave birth to. It is not clear to me, but I respect her decision and wish her happiness.”
Photo: Tamuna Gegidze / Aprili Media
Neither that day nor after that, she saw his younger brother, who she says is actually raised by her, because during her childhood, her mother had health problems and Miranda had to take care of many things.
“My brother’s reaction was even more incredible. We didn’t communicate at all. When I talked to my mother, she was not in Georgia. I left and he didn’t talk to my brother either then or after that,” Miranda says, adding, “It’s a bit strange…”
She believes that if the family had not cut off communication with her then, she would have had a much simpler and less stressful life.
“After such an experience, of course, you will have grudges, and what I have grudges about is that if I hadn’t left my family at the age of 17, I wouldn’t have had to go through a lot of things that I had to go through in Georgia.”
Transition and Pride
She tells us that the decision to transition was not a thoughtless and spontaneous step: I was preparing for it for a long time and I also thought that I might end up on the street, so I was also preparing for financial independence. She says: I fell in love with myself for the first time when I started transitioning.
“I love Georgia’s land, air, water and everything in general. It is part of me and how can I refuse it? There is no way I can say no. I will definitely come back”
“The first time I went out dressed in women’s clothes, there was great happiness – you could breathe out, as if a weight had been lifted from you. As a child I was very closed, without friends, and suddenly I became very free, very active, very confident. I thought I was the most beautiful woman on earth. Over time, I lost that — I had a lot of problems going out, and I realized I wasn’t perfect.”
She says, whatever changes the Georgian government is announcing now, if we had this law then, I probably wouldn’t have survived.
“Transition was the solution for me at that moment and the only way to be happy. Even the smallest step towards this caused happiness in me. You become yourself, you love yourself more, you accept more. Unfortunately, transgender people have a lot of self-acceptance in the process of self-determination, and it was the same in my case.”
She also remembers the beginning of activism:
“That was the period when my mother told me not to be around and leave Georgia. I said, I will show you… On May 17, I went to the rally and gave an interview to journalists. I wore heels, I had blond hair, I was exceptionally tall, and I spoke to everyone who was a journalist, both Georgian and non-Georgian. At that time, I did not understand activism and I did it on my own, but later I understood better. I did not think about leaving Georgia – I thought that I am Georgian, I am a descendant of Georgians, I will live here and if there is some problem, I will try to change it. As I had a very active period of activism, I believed internally that I should fight, fight and change something, but in the end I still had to leave,” says Miranda, recalling the reason why she decided to leave the country.
ანადაც მჯეროდა, რომ მე უნდა ვიბრძოლო, ვიბრძოლებ და რაღაცას შევცვლი, თუმცა საბოლოო ჯამში წამოსვლა მაინც მომიწია“, — ამბობს მირანდა და იხსენებს მიზეზს, რის გამოც ქვეყნის დატოვება გადაწყვიტა.
„ბოლო პერიოდში, როცა ცნობადი გ
“Recently, when I became known, I wasn’t only being rejected because I was transgender — I was already being rejected because I was a transgender activist. They knew me from television. When they finally attacked me, I almost lost an eye. The attacker was my neighbor and when I returned home, the neighbors threw stones at my apartment. I lived on the first floor, they were going to break down the doors.”
Miranda called the police, who took her to a shelter. At the same time, one of the Belgian organizations contacted her and financed her departure from Georgia.
“Until this happened, I never thought I should leave. But if I hadn’t left, I believe I wouldn’t be alive today.”
She says: even though I finally left Georgia, as my mother wanted me to be hidden and disappear from people’s eyes, I didn’t do that anyway.
“I was an activist in Georgia and I said loudly and I still say loudly that I am very proud of who I am. I don’t think that because I am a transgender person — which is not my choice, I was born that way — my family should be ashamed.”
Emigration
“The only thing I wanted and the reason I left was to have peace and be able to walk normally on the street without being called, throwing things, and being attacked,” she says, adding, ” however, when I think about it now, I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it a second time.”
We are told that emigration is not an easy road — in addition to having to leave home and go to a completely foreign environment, this road goes through an asylum where there are many strangers and transphobia can be encountered at every turn.
“Even though it’s Belgium, when you’re seeking asylum, the conditions aren’t ideal and you’re not driving on a rosy road. You can become a victim of violence even in the shelter”, – says Miranda, adding – “however, even that situation was still better compared to what I suffered in Georgia”.
Photo: Tamuna Gegidze / Aprili Media
She says that when you leave the shelter and start working, then you feel better. In Belgium, there is a program that helps people from different countries to start working, and for one year, the salary is paid not directly by the employer, but by the state. In addition, language learning is also financed. As Miranda says, after a year, when you know the language better and have work experience, it is easier to start a new and relatively better job. Miranda initially got into one of the food facilities, the confectionery department, and the following year her contract was extended. She liked making desserts very much – she loves art and says that when you make something beautiful, it is also related to art.
“I don’t understand why my mother should be ashamed and why we shouldn’t have a relationship because of that. I am the same person who she gave birth to”.
Now she has new plans and goals — the field of work needs to change and she is looking for news.
I asked if she is going to return to Georgia. The answer was very clear and unequivocal: “Certainly”.
“If I have the opportunity and if they don’t put me in prison because of the transition, probably sooner. My goal is not to stay in Belgium all my life. At the age of retirement, I will definitely come back, because it sounds a bit banal, but I love Georgia, the land, the air, the water and everything in general. It is part of me and how can I refuse it? There is no way I can say no. I will definitely come back.”