“When I understood my sexual orientation and realized that this is not a phase that will pass, my struggle and search for a solution in religions began. I started a thorough study of the Bible, as if to strengthen my faith, but later I told myself that I was just trying to justify myself,” says Anzor Amzoev, an IT specialist and activist who has gone through a long path of self-acceptance and, as he says, “After many years of self-wrestling and transformation” is now free.
Civic activism began after Gavrilov was brought to the Georgian legislature in 2019, and since then he has been actively involved in protests against Russian influence. It took a long way to get there – self-identification, struggle, searching for answers in religious texts and “coming out”. From the article, you will get to know Anzor Amzoev better, a citizen of Georgia who hopes for the unity of the society and the salvation of the country.
Seeking Refuge in Religion and “Coming Out”
Vakho Kareli / Aprili Media
He spent his childhood in Georgia in the 90s and early 2000s – as he says, at a time when violence was commonplace and alcohol addiction was very common. I grew up in an ordinary family, which had the same existential problems as most people at that time.
According to Anzor, even at the time when he didn’t know anything about his sexual orientation, he couldn’t fit in the company of boys — he couldn’t connect with the topics that worried other teenagers, so he was more friendly with girls.
“I have often heard from my friends that the reason why they became the target of bullying was because of their feminine behavior or the way they dress. In my case, they were annoyed that my circle of friends were only girls and I didn’t play football with the boys or, I know, when they told these “boyish” stories, I was not interested. The fact that I studied well at school caused the irritation of the boys around me, which they did not pay attention to. In short, they were looking for an excuse to confront me, which they sometimes managed to do. Besides, I was one, they were many”.
At first, I just felt that I had no romantic interest in girls, recalls Anzor, saying that I knew there were people who felt the same way, but I couldn’t identify myself. He thought that “something else was needed”. Then he started looking for information on the internet and was relieved to find incorrect information – as if questions related to sexual orientation are a part of puberty and disappear with time.
“There was also information that concluded that what I was feeling would pass with the end of puberty. In my mind, feelings beyond heterosexuality were seen as illnesses. In short, since the first realization, I devoted six years to the path of self-destruction”.
For him, part of this path was the search for a solution in religions.
Dad was the first person I came out to and, to my surprise, he accepted the news normally. A few months later, I told my mother, and that was the end of the topic — I realized that I no longer had to hide.
He says that sharing his sexual orientation with others was not as difficult as it was with himself – the hopes and ideas he had about his life were completely shattered.
“Considering the environment in which I lived and the fact that the family was not a comfort zone for me as a child, I wanted to create such a caring and warm family environment that I did not have. Understanding my sexual orientation came with the realization that it would be impossible for me. I started trying to “self-heal”, seeking refuge in religion”.
His family did not consist of very religious people, there was little interest around him – he came to this search on his own. He attended mass every week, looked for answers to questions, and as he recalls, his interest in religious topics deepened, he began to thoroughly read and study the Bible.
“I was trying to justify myself, maybe I’m not such a bad person because of my sexual orientation. This conflict and search led me to change my faith and become a member of one of the religious organizations. I was a Jehovah’s Witness for 4-5 years. I already understood that I am gay. The organization has many publications on how to overcome this situation, how to deal with it. I spent a lot of time trying to follow the practical advice in the textbooks, but to no avail, until I just realized that there is nothing wrong with me.”
Although the period of being in a religious organization remained a traumatic experience, he says that it made it easier for him to overcome certain fears. He is ethnically Kurdish, and as he says, he has not had any negative experiences or cases of oppression in this regard, but it was different during his time as a Jehovah’s Witness.
“Our culture [of the Kurdish community] is distinguished by the fact that we do not like to appear in public. When I gave a comment on television during one of the rallies, my relatives started asking me questions about why you wanted to avoid problems. However, fortunately, I have not had the experience of ethnic oppression. When I was a witness and believed with all my heart that I was preaching the truth, I had cases when we were cursed, we even had people chasing after us and I developed immunity. At that time, I realized that when you are in the minority and you believe in your own truth, regardless of the reaction of the society, you have to stay firmly in your position, but not aggressively. Now I have the ability to make people understand that no one has the right and should not have the opportunity to oppress you.”
According to Anzor, the period of being Jehovah’s witness made it relatively easier for him to talk about his orientation with those around him.
“When the moment came to share my sexual identity with my friends, family, and colleagues, I thought, if I was not afraid of anything in the organization, then why should I be afraid? If I was going there and preaching in the name of God, why should I be ashamed of myself and myself?”
If my family understands me, then who should I fear or hide from?
Before he decided to talk openly with his family, he shared information about his sexual orientation with several friends. However, according to him, the most exciting and important thing was the conversation with his family.
“I didn’t have frequent contact with my father, but before he died, he lived in another country for the last three months of his life and tried to prove his paternity to me. By the way, he was the first person I decided to come out to and, to my surprise, he accepted the news normally. A few months later, I told my mother, and that was the end of the topic — I realized that I no longer had to hide. That was an important factor that gave me more freedom — if my family understands me, then who do I have to fear or hide from?”
Being open about one’s orientation did not cause an immediate severance of relationships with people, but there were people who gradually distanced themselves, even though they had been close friends.
“It was unpleasant and sometimes painful, but I think it had to happen like that. I cannot live this one life in the captivity of other people. We all make a choice, and I respect that choice, even though they chose it, they didn’t understand it for me.”
Abandoning the Religious Space and the Role of a Hetero Boy
Vakho Kareli / Aprili Media
He left the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses after reassessing the current perception of his sexual orientation. He says that after this period, he began to care about his career and met new people – until then, his space was limited only to people of this faith.
“This religious teaching is a bit like that, your life is filled with religious works, sermons, meetings, until I had an idea that the more deeply I was involved in the religious life, the more it would help me. I remembered myself when I left there. I started to take care of myself, to think about my career and personal development”, he shares with us, adding that during his time as a Jehovah’s Witness, his friendship was limited only to followers of this teaching, and after leaving it was difficult for him to free himself from those thoughts.
When I was fighting myself or hiding my identity, I was a much more closed off person and I didn’t have the comfort that I have now.
“Despite the fact that I overcame the shame of myself, when I left there, I was still in the captivity of those ideas for at least a year. While staying with myself, I still had thoughts – maybe they are right, maybe I should be there again, I should try again. Along with my thoughts, I tried to turn back. One of the peculiarities of Jehovah’s teaching is that friendships are made inside the organization and not outside, so I didn’t have any other friends at that time. When I left there, I was completely alone with myself, then and then I made new friends at work, and wrestling slowly got closer to me.”
Anzor’s first official job was as a barista in a fast food restaurant. As he recalls, at that time he presented himself to people as a hetero guy, however, he notes that there was no question that anyone was interested in his sexual life or orientation.
“I was being populist, I beat myself up about it, I was behaving badly — I was showing people that I was a straight guy who didn’t like and made fun of queer people. Perhaps, I was doing this out of fear that they would not suspect me. There were no requests from the people around me, some of the employees had queer friends, but I wore a mask during that period of work and played some games” – he also recalls that in his next job, working in the public sector, he was questioned about being transferred to a certain position because he was already openly saying on their own sexual orientation, and they considered it as a hindering factor.
Now he works in one of the banks and says that it is perfect – on the one hand, the environment is friendly and, on the other hand, he no longer has to hide.
“When I was fighting myself or hiding my identity, I was a much more closed, restricted person and I didn’t have the comfort that I have now. I have a much more open and friendly relationship with my colleagues than in my previous job, where I played the role of a hetero, “Georgian” type”.
Anzor recalls that one of the turning points he had on the way to accepting himself and then sharing with others was his friend’s “coming out”.
“One of my friends “came out” with me. At that time I was still playing a straight guy. I had to artificially tell my friend, from the point of view of a straight guy, that he should not worry and that this fact would not affect our friendship. Then I laughed at myself for starting the game in a situation where there was no need for magic.”
A Spark for Civic Activism and Hope for the Future
Vakho Kareli / Aprili Media
Anzor tells us that the formation of his civil position begins in 2019 — at the time when Gavrilov was brought to Georgia. Even though he knew about the Russian influences and the crimes committed against Georgia, he was particularly affected by the arrest of Gavrilov.
“Until then, I didn’t understand that they are so close, you have to fight face to face and in your own country. After the crackdown at that time, my active civil life begins and I am still fighting against this brutal force in Georgia. When the Duma deputy sat down in the chair from which the independence of our country was declared, I realized that everything is very real and close. Then I bought the first flag of Georgia, barely earned enough money and ran to the rally.”
He remembers that at that time the fear of raids and injuries was overcome by the feeling of injustice and anger. He was only worried about his mother’s health and tried not to say anything to her.
I have very simple wishes and hopefully I will achieve my goals. I want to create a family that I didn’t have in my childhood.
“My mother was very worried, she has health problems and I had to lie, as if I was not at the rally. She couldn’t believe it, of course, she heard a buzzing, noisy sound in her ear. Therefore, I had very mixed feelings – anger, fear, attitude, but I knew that we had to fight to the end. Besides, at the end of the day, if you are honest with yourself, you also get a sense of satisfaction.”
He was also actively involved in protests against the Russian law. In 2023, in the period following the rallies, when Irakli Gharibashvili called the young people at the rally “disoriented” and later, when the fight against queer people even became part of the legislative process, they started demonizing the LGBTQIA+ community. As he says, he considered the attack on identity as a signal that the regime is weakening, and the attack on a vulnerable group is due to this.
“They gave up so much that they had no way to confront the public and resorted to the old, many times tried methods to demonize the participants of the rally. This process also showed that despite the government’s efforts, the charge did not fall and no one refrained from coming to the rally because they tried to package it as a queer rally.
According to Anzor, “Georgian Dream” not only announced repression against queer people, but also threatened a number of civil organizations and parties with punishment, declaring them unconstitutional – “For one reason or another, according to this government, I will also have to receive punishment from this regime, and therefore, I fear, what Of course, it is relevant, but it also increases the intensity of the struggle so that this nightmare ends on October 26 and the country moves to the Western tracks”.
In addition to the homophobic, fascist law, he also says that we already have the example of Russia, where Putin launched campaigns against queer people, based on the idea of national identity, to consolidate the electorate, and gradually queer people became the target of the struggle, the aggression increased. In this process, the hope is the unity of the society – this is what is imagined as the way to defeat the regime.
“The unity of society against authoritarianism is what completes such regimes. When the National Liberation Movement was forming in Georgia, even at that time many divided and radically opposed groups united around one goal. We should also be able to do the same – unite, show solidarity with each other. Now the main thing is to stay here, and mutual solidarity is necessary for that”.
Anzor calls on citizens to be active in the elections – “absolutely every citizen should go to the elections and talk to everyone – a friend, an acquaintance, a person they met in a bar or club, an employee. Try to motivate us all to make a choice. The main protest action will be there, near the polling stations.”
He sees his own future in Georgia, however, he also says that October 26 will be a watershed. He does not know if he will be trusted after October or if he will have the opportunity to live in Georgia or not.
Professional goals are still related to information technologies and he has a dream to “end up in Microsoft” one day.
“I have very simple wishes and I hope I will achieve my goals. I want to create a family that I didn’t have when I was a child.”