“I am Tata Jakeli, 28 years old. I am an activist. For many years now, I have considered being an activist as my primary identity, but, in addition, I am a hiker, I am the owner of two dogs, I am a beginner guitarist, musician, and I also want to go into politics in the future”, — this is how the director of Tbilisi Pride introduced herself to the readers of Aprili Media.
Childhood
She has mostly good memories from her childhood. She was born in Germany, where her parents studied on a scholarship. She says that her parents’ generation was one of the first to break through the Iron Curtain and after the collapse of the Soviet Union, went abroad to study.
“I have the first memories of a trip to Germany with my parents. We drove from Germany to Georgia. Ever since I was a child, I had a desire to be an adventurous and traveling person.
However, also, when I was 5 years old, I realized for the first time that I was a “different” child. From that period, I got isolated and was very isolated for many years. In fact, I didn’t even have friends for a long time, because I couldn’t open up to anyone. Because of my “difference”, I wanted to be as isolated as possible and not let anyone close to my heart, so my friends were the characters from books. I was very introverted and that didn’t change for a long time, until the last years of my teenage years,” recalls Tata.
Self-Determination and the Current State of Sexuality
Tata is queer. However, if the term is considered narrowly specific, she indicates that she is a homoromantic bisexual.
“I am only romantically attracted to women, and for me this is the main thing, because I am a very romantic person. I am also sexually attracted to men, although this is very secondary, precisely because the main thing for me is romance and love. Therefore, practically, I only have relationships with women”.
“[The mother initially] had a very mixed reaction. She told me that she loved me and that she would accept me, although she was very, very heartbroken and also very afraid for my life – how I would be able to live in this country.”
Tata recalls that self-determination began in childhood, at the age of 5, when she first had a crush on a girl. In the process of understanding this, at least until the age of 11, she believed that “something was wrong” and that his feelings towards girls were “wrong”.
“For years, I tried to suppress the feelings I had for girls and women, but it was impossible. I didn’t even know what to call this feeling I had, so I just tried not to dwell on it for too long or think it would pass. I thought I would never tell anyone about my feelings for the rest of my life.”
Although she was determined not to share his sexuality with anyone, Tata knew she could never be in a heterosexual relationship.
“I knew I would be unhappy, because from a very deep childhood it was important to me to have the kind of love that you see in movies and books—a very romantic relationship—and I knew that I would never have that feeling for a man,” says Tata.
Compulsory Heterosexuality
Tata is no stranger to the pressures of compulsory heterosexuality that many people experience throughout their lives. This term (English: Compulsory Heterosexuality, abbreviated as Comphet) refers to the pressure experienced by people that forces them to live within heterosexual norms and behaviors, even if they do not want to.
Tata says she didn’t internalize homophobia and self-hatred because of her sexuality, but she did have fear.
“In my opinion, no one could ever accept me. The good thing is that I didn’t put pressure on myself to change, but I thought that I would just hide these feelings – “Well, I can’t make them go away, I just won’t tell anyone.” In my early teenage years, I no longer thought I was “wrong”. From the age of 12-13, when I had access to a computer for the first time, I started googling, watching queer movies, and realized that there was nothing wrong with me. It’s just that the way I was, it was unacceptable in Georgia, in any case, I could never express myself in that society.”
Vakho Kareli / Aprili Media
Coming Out
She spoke about his sexuality for the first time in the USA, to students there, when she was studying at the age of 16 with the Flex program. It is said that after school, students who identify themselves as queers meet in a common club and share their feelings with each other, organize events, etc. Despite the welcoming environment, when Tata came to this club, she did not interact with the students.
“When I arrived, I hid from them that I was queer myself and said that I was just interested in this topic, because I come from a conservative country where this topic is never discussed, and I came here as a supporter. But after about a month, I became friends with these people and saw that they were quite comfortable talking about themselves, their experiences. Then I suddenly decided that I could no longer keep this accumulated secret for so long. For the first time I told them that you know, I am like you. They told me that we were not surprised – from the beginning we did not believe that you came only as a supporter, but we just wanted to give us time and tell you yourself.”
Tata was in love with her best friend then. She shared the related dilemmas with the club members. She says, I couldn’t tell him about my feelings – I was afraid that our friendship would break.
“Then I told the host family about my sexuality. It so happened that I took a girl as a date to the American prom. Even now, it’s a bit of a shock to me — I opened up so much within a few months that I dared to ask a girl to be her date to the prom. When I told my host family that I was taking a girl to the prom, they simply told me that some people might still be conservative and that we should be more careful. But they also told me that they would support me, take me to this prom, help me choose clothes, etc.”
It is symbolic that Tata’s return to Georgia coincided with May 17, 2013. On this day, the civilized world celebrates the International Day Against Homo/Bi/Transphobia, but this year in Georgia, led by Orthodox priests, parishioners and hateful people attacked and threatened the lives of queers, when some of them decided to celebrate this day in public and stop their constitutionally mandated assembly and demonstration. After the violent crackdown, Patriarch Ilia II declared May 17 as the day of “family sanctity,” making queers a direct target for persecution and oppression.
“The events lined up interestingly. I had my last bell that day. When I got out of school, my best friend, who I loved, told me that she had a boyfriend. I, with my shirt half painted, left devastated. When I got on the bus, there were women with icons and nettles, who called out that they are sick, why did they come out at all. I went home, my grandmother was also watching the footage and said the same thing.
I remember going into my room and laying down on the bed. I don’t remember how the next two days passed because I was crying all the time. I had a very big culture shock when I returned to Georgia. I was very sick that summer – heartbroken and disappointed not only because of love, but also because of my country, the society around me, which physically beats people like me to death.”
That same summer, Tata came out with several close friends, but the most important thing for her was coming out with his mother. It wasn’t a planned coming out, it was a confrontation of sort.
“I felt so bad, everyone was surprised. Like I should be successful, happy, etc. because I was still going to college in the US on a full scholarship and I should have been over the moon with happiness, but I was deeply depressed. When my mother asked me what was wrong with me, after a 10-minute pause, I revealed it to her. She had a very mixed reaction. She told me that she loved me and that she would accept me, but she was very, very heartbroken and also very afraid for my life — how I would be able to live in this country. She told me that I should probably go abroad and spend the rest of my life in the West. Also, she had fears that maybe she did something by mistake, “if I came out like that”, although I explained that I have been like this since I was 5 years old and probably even earlier, I just don’t remember.
She says that coming out with his mother was a kind of catharsis for her. After that, during the period of studying in the USA, for 4 years, returning to Georgia during the summer holidays, Tata talked to more and more people about his identity. Now the family fully accepts and supports Tata, relatives and friends are no exception.
All my acquaintances and friends are more activists and people who are actively involved in various events. It happened naturally, little by little. The more people I told, the more I got involved in activism in Georgia as well. It so happened that at this moment a very large number of people around me are receptive. That’s why I didn’t have any bad experiences.
In recent years, a few relatives heard about it, that I thought would not. I haven’t been in contact with them lately, but they read my posts on Facebook and I know they had a pretty normal reaction. They say they love me and are proud of me; They think that I am a good person. They also like that, in general, I am active around various issues and fight to change the country for the better, and I am not focused on just one topic.
Coming Out — Necessity or a Choice?
According to Tata, she does not want to deprive people of the opportunity to make individual choices, however, she thinks that if a person can make a coming out, it will be right if she does so, because with this decision, it will make the way easier for others in Georgia. Nevertheless, she says that safety is the first priority when coming out.
“When teenagers, and especially teenagers living in the region, come to me for advice, I tell them to first think about their own safety and their ability – whether they can fend for themselves and be independent in the worst case scenario. At least put safety in the first place and do not take this step without thinking.
I’m not asking anyone, but I expect people to think not only about themselves, but about the historical moment they are in, and make a decision not only for themselves, but also for the people who are now growing up, now discovering it in themselves – to make their lives easier. I am very grateful to those activists who were openly queer in Georgia before me.”
“[Relatives] say they love me and are proud of me; They think that I am a good person. They also like that, in general, I am active around various issues and fight to change the country for the better, and I am not focused on just one topic.
Tata recalls learning about a few queer people as a teenager through a community organization Identity, when she came across videos about them. She followed all the news that was posted on the organization’s page, as well as those people who talked about their sexuality on social networks.
“The presence of these people gave 16-year-old Tata hope that not everyone in this country is against us, and there are people who openly declare that they are queer and they can still live and survive in this country.
As for my individual path, I generally don’t like to think about what I would change. I accept my mistakes and my shortcomings along the way, and I think that under the conditions and the circumstances I had, I always chose the most correct path in one way or another.
Most importantly, when I think from the perspective of my teenage self, the kind of person I wanted to be then is exactly who I am now, and I’m very proud to have been able to be one of the most outspoken activists. “Many people have said that even with one conversation that maybe wasn’t about sexuality, I motivated them to be themselves and not be afraid that no one would understand.”
Vakho Kareli / Aprili Media
The Experience of Being Queer Abroad and in Georgia
According to Tata, while in Georgia, the identity of a queer activist comes first for her, while in other countries she doesn’t even have to think about it and can direct his efforts to different types of activism.
“I can’t be exclusively a queer activist in my identity abroad. I have 7 years of experience living abroad, where my sexuality didn’t matter at all, I had an absolutely accepting environment, and when I was in Georgia, during my teenage years, my main identity was that of a scared queer.
Because I lived abroad for so many years, queerness just became one of my identities. Living abroad and being able to develop myself in many different ways gave me many different identities.”
She says that relationships are simpler in other countries. Her most serious and long-lasting relationship was also in the USA.
“During this relationship, I knew my partner’s family well, we went everywhere openly, holding hands, even on dates. I haven’t had such a stable and open relationship in Georgia so far, because in a couple, as a rule, I am more open and in that sense, more privileged – I can be more public and more open, because my family accepts me”.
She worries that we have another wave of queer and other oppressed groups leaving the country and hopes that these people will return to the country.
“I recommend to those who have the opportunity to return, maybe they should come back and join the movement here. Let’s change the situation here and strengthen the queers here. I understand that my position is that of a relatively privileged person. I completely understand those people who go and stay in emigration in order to survive physically. However, my personal wish is for as many people as possible to return.
I also imagine that people who have now emigrated and are getting education and opportunities there that they would not have had access to in Georgia, will return years later as strong activists and this will be a booster for the movement here. I want us to actively go to places where many Georgian queers have gone. Let’s establish more contacts with them and the activist connection will be established”.
She does not want to think that he might have to leave the country someday. On the contrary, she talks about the fact that when she went to study, she always returned to Georgia, and while she was abroad, she was involved in the news happening here in various ways.
“I returned to the country three times. Once my parents brought me back from Germany, the second time I came back from America after my bachelor’s degree and the third time I came back from Sweden after my master’s degree. I never thought of staying anywhere. Whenever I was gone for a few years, I always thought about Georgia, I was always involved from there, I used to watch live protests, I always read what was written on Facebook and I always felt very involved”.
The Trend of Conflict in Activist Circles
Tata says that it is important for her to talk about the union between community organizations and activists. For years, she has been talking about the necessity and necessity of unification, because, in his opinion, there is much more that unites queers than what separates them.
“I don’t like confrontation, I don’t like to hold grudges for a long time. I try to understand people, to forgive them, not to leave anger and resentment for a long time. I try to see what we have in common. After I was appointed as the director of Tbilisi Pride, I try to do the same with other organizations, especially in such a critical moment, to find something that unites us.
I think that the Georgian dream has come to us so much that in the last period we are getting closer and closer together. A good trend is at the moment — the situation is more towards uniting us than dividing.”
“Instead of the Georgian dream offering people a solution to emigration, poverty, hunger and other very serious social problems, people who are hungry are being intimidated by some gays and freemasons and by the fact that behind the “coup attempt” of this country there is a rainbow flag.
Tata explains the internal division and frequent conflicts with injuries and also says that, as the director of Tbilisi Pride, she is trying to eliminate this division.
“This is the echo of May 17, 2013 of a generation that has suffered too much activist trauma, too much physical and mental damage. Now people who don’t have these traumas are joining the activism. I think I’m the kind of person who doesn’t have such a big activist trauma. There is a post-May 17 generation around me, and we all want to come together, find common ground, build connections, bridges, and leave behind the divisions that existed between organizations. I am trying to do the same in my new mandate”.
Vakho Kareli / Aprili Media
Homophobic and Russian Laws
She believes that the homophobic and Russian laws initiated by the Georgian Dream are a kind of mechanism for strengthening the power of the ruling party. Furthermore, according to Tata, the dream instrumentalizes queers and manipulates people’s fears.
“For the last few years, Georgian Dream has decided to be extremely conservative and attract pro-Russian, conservative votes. In this whole package there is, on the one hand, bullying people as if there is “LGBT propaganda” or as if visibility is related to growing our community. The second is that they try to scare people with the theme of war. The third is that they seem to protect religious values and beliefs. This is actually hypocrisy, these issues are coming out of nowhere and it is to divert people’s attention from social issues and real problems to imaginary problems.
The regions with the poorest populations are the most vulnerable to these communities. “Instead of the Georgian dream offering people a solution to emigration, poverty, hunger and other very serious social problems, people who are hungry are being intimidated by some gays and freemasons and by the fact that behind the “coup attempt” of this country there is a rainbow flag.”
Tata explains that this is a technique well practiced by totalitarian and authoritarian governments – they find a kind of scapegoat, create an image of the enemy, to attribute all the problems that exist in society to this group of people, to instill fear in the population, to divide them so that they can then rule easily.
“Because of the Russian law, we, Tbilisi Pride , are actually under pressure. Of course, we are not registering as so-called agents in the registry and have to face heavy fines, forceful enforcement of this law. They are trying to kill any kind of democratic associations and various manifestations of civil society, because they don’t want critical voices in Georgia. They don’t want people to talk about a problem for them that they don’t have a solution to, or they don’t want to find a solution to. Also, on the other hand, the homophobic law is a way to completely suppress civil resistance, to use this topic not only to disrupt, say, Pride events, but also to disrupt rallies in general.”
Tata connects the Russian and homophobic laws with the offshore law and says that all three of them should be seen as a combination of anti-democratic, pro-Russian, anti-civil society laws, the purpose of which is to weaken and divide the society, while the Georgian dream is to consolidate power easily and the people will never be able to choose it. “I think that society is much more developed than the government thinks. I think that the different narratives of the Georgian dream propaganda are slowly losing their power and people can slowly see that the dream promises them not to solve the existing problems, but to punish the opponents and make the critical voice disappear. The Georgian society sees this, precisely because of this it will not support the Georgian Dream in October.
The topic of “LGBT propaganda”, like many other propaganda narratives of the Dream, will be reduced to ashes.
People who have been intimidated or bribed will continue to support the Georgian Dream , and people who may have supported them in the past see that the ruling party has nothing new to offer them, except to “punish the Nazis and make the gays disappear.” What election promise is this?! I have a better idea of the Georgian society than the Georgian dream!”
“When I’m doing activism and I’m so public, it’s like I’m surrounded by imaginary armor — now I’m not just myself who gets hurt and hurt, now I’m a figure who fights and does it, not only for myself, but for a lot of people.”
Tata says that the office of Tbilisi Pride was a safe space for him for a long time, however, after the initiation of the homophobic law, this changed.
“We have been attacked so many times in recent months that our office is no longer a completely safe space for me. In Georgia, probably, safe spaces for many people are clubs, bars, but for me, these spaces are not the most authentic spaces in which I can share myself and receive experiences from others.
Being in nature, going on hikes is associated with safety for me. Regardless of the physical dangers that exist, if not more, I do something extreme like cave climbing. Being with nature is a way for me to come back to myself and be who I am. It is a safe space for me to be with close people, friends, associates, because during the discussion with them there is an opportunity to share and listen”.
Tata also talks about the intersectional oppressions she has experienced as a woman, as a queer, and as someone with non-typical feminine gender expression. According to her, this oppression and discrediting efforts were especially intensified this year, when she was involved in actions against Russian and homophobic laws from the day of initiation, not only as a participant of the action, but also as an organizer.
“PosTV targeted me, they made several videos from the protests where I stand on stage and troll-bots wrote comments about whether I was a woman or a man. It doesn’t hurt me much, I don’t take it to heart. To me, these people are bribed and enslaved people who have no opinion of their own. If Bidzina points out tomorrow, write them hearts and good comments now and wave the rainbow flag, they will do it. They do not have free will, and the opinion of people who are not free does not mean much.”
Tata says that while being an activist, it helps to portray yourself as a hero.
“When I’m doing activism and I’m so public, it’s like I’m surrounded by imaginary armor — now I’m not just myself who gets offended and hurt, now I’m a figure who fights and does it, not only for myself, but for a lot of people. Seeing myself as a kind of hero helps me to overcome what would otherwise probably have caused me pain.”
“Hundreds of thousands of people should stand in the street on the evening of October 26 and wait together for the results to be announced. Our government, as well as Russia and the West, should see where the will of the Georgian people really is.”
Influenced by the blackout campaign and beyond, it is especially important for activists to take care of their mental health and constantly try not to burn out. Tata says that there are periods when she feels very good, he has a lot of energy, but sometimes she just wants to be alone.
“I have periods when I can symbolically go out with a sword and fight for what I believe in. However, sometimes I want to be in my shell, I have nothing to do and I feel lifeless and without energy. These periods often alternate with each other. I have periodically gone to therapy, yoga, and meditation, but due to my personal characteristics, it is difficult for me to include all these things in my routine. There are ups and downs. When I’m sick, I know that I can wake up tomorrow, suddenly be fine and do everything, and I know that this condition will not last long”.
Tata is waiting for October 26, election day. She says: after this day, I’m going to balance my life, wake up early, go to yoga and therapy, de-stress, focus on myself, listen to my inner voice and get rid of unnecessary commitments.
“Especially in the last two years, queer activism has eaten away at the rest of my identities. Now I am trying to regain the inner me that is so dear to me. I don’t want to be only an activist and only the director of Tbilisi Pride, only doing work, only standing at the protests.
I want to be a renaissance person who writes a poem in the morning, walks for a few hours in the afternoon, does business for himself in the evening, etc. I want to do many things in life and it is balanced.”
Vakho Kareli / Aprili Media
What Is Missing from the Georgian Politics?
When evaluating Georgian politics, Tata claims that it lacks sincerity. She says, in our politics, there are few or no authentic people who do not shy away from making politics from the most personal places.
“In the US, we see the opposite, for example, the campaign of Kamala Harris and how the Democrats are uniting around her. All the people who speak at the Democratic convention are speaking from their personal experiences, and that creates that diversity to address a lot of different issues.
People should want to go into politics based on their experience. For example, a person who has worked in construction will, because of his experience, adopt labor laws to protect workers. Queers themselves must participate in politics and pass legislation that will protect queers and give them equal rights. Women should participate equally and lobby on social issues that primarily affect women.”
According to Tata, it will take generations for Georgian politics to be freed from the current populism.
“When politics is led by men with the mindset of Soviet officials, in this case politics is devoid of content, because the life experience is not so diverse and does not include all the problems that the population of Georgia has. The generation of people involved in politics should be changed to get representative, democratic politics”.
Tata, together with associates, tried to establish a political party called the Greens in the fall of 2022. The ideological affiliation of the party was left-wing and focused on topics such as queerness, environmentalism, etc.
“Then we were inexperienced, young, we didn’t have any resources, monetary or human, and we couldn’t do it. However, I have been thinking for years that Georgian politics needs more women’s involvement, more queer involvement. Georgian politics needs a person who will say that I am openly queer and I am in the parliament to solve the problems of the queer community as well as public problems in general.
This year, due to the pre-election environment, there is no way that I will be involved, but in 2028 it is possible and I hope that if we change the government to a democratic one and have a coalition government, the general public has a great chance to move forward quickly and overcome these fears from the 90’s And traumas that bring us back to the past. If we overcome these traumas, I think that then I will be able or another queer will be able to get involved in politics”.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s me personally or someone else, but I think that in the near future we should expect an openly queer person to be involved in politics.”
October 26 Elections
She is an optimist, although she also has nihilistic periods, which she calls failures. She believes that maintaining optimism is crucial to continuing the fight. For Tata, optimism comes from seeing other people struggle, and hope from seeing action.
“[The Russian law] angered the public so much and showed everyone what we activists have been calling for years (that this is a pro-Russian or directly Russian regime) that it caused the Dream ratings to drop and many people to join different parties. Many people are preparing to be observers and go to the polls. I think that a record high number of people will go to the elections this year.
If the elections will be held fairly and many people will come, then opposition-minded people will win and there will be a coalition government”.
Tata believes that every citizen of Georgia owes us both voting and protecting these votes.
“Hundreds of thousands of people should stand in the street on the evening of October 26 and wait together for the results to be announced. Our government, as well as Russia and the West, should see, in reality, where is the will of the Georgian people”.
According to Tata, pessimism and nihilism are not justified at such a historical moment, when we have the last chance to change the government democratically, with our plurality and our truth.
“Michelle Obama said something like this at the Democratic convention that every time you feel pessimistic and think that Trump will still come into power, just do something — do something. We have to do something! We can all talk to at least one person to come to the elections and vote for the opposition; We can all register as observers; We can all help immigrants and encourage them to come to the polls; We all have the ability to step out of our comfort zone and do something. For some it may be just to get to the polls, but for others it may be much more. Everyone should do their best.”